Little bird

There's a lullaby my mom sang to us--and other babies she's cared for--over the years. It's called The Little Birdie Song. Naturally, now that I'm a mother, I sing it to Jude. 

Tonight I had a thousand things to do. Homework waiting, dishes in the sink, laundry that needed done. Scott took Jude to his bedroom, gave him his milk and was working really hard to get him to sleep. But Jude just wasn't having it. He kept crying "mama, mama," which are the most heartbreaking four syllables a mom can hear, by the way. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that my first thought was to wish that he would just go to sleep. I had so much to do and I was anxious to sit down at my computer and get to my homework that was due by 11:59 p.m. But something, maybe the Holy Spirit, whispered in my ear, "go be with him."

So, I got up from my post, went into his room, and started rocking him. And I started singing The Little Birdie Song. Actually, it was my own version of it, because I can never remember the full lyrics. As I sang, "Where are you going little bird? Where are you going little birdie? I am going to kiss my mama, I am going to kiss my mama, I am going to kiss my mama, sweet child," Jude smiled the biggest smile, pulled my face down to his, and gave me the sweetest little kiss. My heart felt more joy than I can describe and broke into a thousand little pieces all at once.

Tears formed in my eyes as I thought about how I would have missed that moment if I would have just let him cry and let Scott attend to him. And I thought about how he is going to be two in April and already doesn't need me as much as when he was just new. 

Being a mother is strange. Your heart can feel the greatest love and happiness and an intense pain and longing, all at once. That's the only way I can describe it. Strange but wonderful.

Tonight, I'm glad I listened to that whisper and went in and held my little boy. I'm glad I was reminded that my child doesn't need to have a spotless home to live in or care that his mama has a master's degree. All he wants is me. How amazing is that? That someone loves you so purely, that just your presence is enough. 

And just like all little birdies do, some day he'll leave the safety and warmth of his nest and fly away on his own. Until then, I plan to sing as many lullabies as I can, snuggle him while he'll still let me and, most importantly, be present. 

LITTLE BIRDIE SONG

Oh where are you going, little bird, little bird? Oh where are you going, little birdie? I am going to the woods I am going to the woods I am going to the woods, little child Oh what's in the woods, little bird, little bird? Oh what's in the woods, little birdie? There's a nest in the woods There's a nest in the woods There's a nest in the woods, little child Oh what's in the nest. little bird. little bird? Oh what's in the nest, little birdie? There are five little eggs There are five little eggs There are five little eggs, little child Oh what's in the eggs. little bird, little bird? Oh what's in the eggs, little birdie? There are five little birds There are five little birds There are five little birds, little child